Welcome to theRolling Stone Everything Index, where we rank the weeks pop-culture power playerswhether they like it or not.
The Everything Index: Taylor Swift is Here to Save the Day
Right off the bat: Yes, we realize this weeks Index is a day late (and only half as long as usual), but were hoping youll forgive us Grumpy Cat was in the office. Anyway, we dont think well get any complaints from Weird Al fans; after all, their hero sits atop our list. Yankovic managed to outgun perennial powerhouse Rihanna for the #1 spotno small feat considering everything shes accomplished this week.
Since were already late, lets get to our abridged version of the Everything Index. Well be back at full-strength next week, we promise. Unless Lil Bub decides to pay us a visit.
1. Weird Al Yankovic:Patron Saint of Parody just dominating everything with week of music videos, new album Mandatory Fun. We could all use more Jon Bermuda Schwartz in our lives.
2. Rihanna:Partying with Germans. Supporting Palestine. Smoking all the pot. At this point, shes basically one Eurail Pass away from being the girl you tried to hook up with at that hostel in Amsterdam.
3. Marvel Comics:First, they gave us a female Thor. Now theyre promising an all-new era for another major character. Please dont let it be Spider-Ham.
4. Kacy Catanzaro:Former gymnast crushes the course onAmerican Ninja Warrior. Meanwhile, were still attempting to master the art of eating Cheetos with chopsticks.
5. Adeles 25: Queen of Pains new album supposedly coming out this year. Thats barely enough time to meet someone, fall in love, then be heinously wronged.
6. Charlie Sheen:Tiger-blood guzzling meme machine returns to prominence with drunken performance in a Taco Bell drive-thru. Sorry Im so fuckin hammered, he tells a fan. No need to apologize, dude.
7. Bleachers Strange Desire:Debut album from Jack Antonoffs new band provides the soundtrack to our slo-mo, Spandau Ballet dreams. Always with the Capezios!
8. Michael Jeter: Late character actor gets inadvertent shout-out on CBS News Twitter feed during MLB All-Star Game. Sure, they meant Derek, but Michaels always had better range.
9. SNLs Exodus:Sketch show sheds several bit players. Great, now where will we get our fill of John Milhiser?!?
10. Sex Tape:God-awful Cameron Diaz/Jason Segel comedy limps into theaters on Friday, will be forgotten about by Monday. At least until Award season.