Donald Sterling isnt going to relinquish ownership of the Los Angeles Clippers without a fight, which is bad news for the NBA and anyone else hoping for a quick end to this mess.
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But its definitely good news for Arsenio Hall, who just announced plans to purchase the team. See, by his own estimation, Hall needs approximately$1 billionto buy the Clips, and hes turned to crowd-funding site Indiegogo to help him reach that total. Problem is, to date, hes raised just $1,200, which means hes gonna need time to turn his dream into reality.
While some may scoff at his chances, were not so quick to dismiss Arsenio here, especially given some of the perks hes offering to donors: $2,000 gets you a hand-written Thank You note, $10,000 buys you a Skype interview with the man himself, and for just $100,000, you can serve as Halls co-host on an upcoming episode of his syndicated late-night show, which, we assure you, is still on TV.
In short, Halls gonna make this happen (and if he doesnt, he pledges to donate all funds from the campaign to the NAACP). So heres what you can expect when he takes ownership of the team next season.
Attempts to sign Eddie Murphy to a 10-day contract.
Teaches Donald Sterling an elaborate handshake routine to quell racial tensions.
Bonds with Clippers forward Jared Dudley, who, likethe Arsenio Hall Show, is occasionally seen on TV.
Inducts entire Clippers roster into the Dog Pound. A confused JJ Reddick asks if he can be a Pomeranian.
Introductions at Clippers games now 15-percent longer, due to announcer adding extra oooos to the end of everybodys name.
New weekly segment featuring Doc Rivers giving medical advice is quickly axed, after it is revealed Rivers does not actually have a degree in medicine.
Shows Hedo Turkoglu the famed fist pump. Turk spends the next month wandering around Los Angeles randomly woofing at strangers.
Just has Blake Griffin wail on the sax every night.
Sends scouts to Zamunda on a quest for the next great power forward.
Inspired byChris Pauls State Farm commercials, Hall creates an alter ego of his own:Harsenio, host of a late-night talk show people actually watch.