Stephen Colbert tapped Triumph the Insult Comic Dog to venture to Texas and chase down last minute interviews with Beto ORourke and Ted Cruz ahead of the midterm elections on The Late Show Monday.
Triumph began his journey at an ORourke rally in Houston, where he spoke with several members of a terrifying swarm of degenerate young leftists with one thing in common: They all share the same Netflix account. Triumph specifically discussed some of the shadier voter suppression stories going around Texas such as machines changing ORourke votes to Cruz votes and even started handing out stickers to voters that read, I think I just voted.
When Triumph finally got to speak with ORourke, he asked the candidate, Does it concern you that half your base thinks they can vote for you through Instagram? Laughing, ORourke replied, Yeah, its gonna have to turn into real votes.
Triumph then headed to a Cruz rally in Harlingen, Texas, where he managed to draw laughs from a few supporters with jokes like, What do you think was harder for Ted to forgive, Trump for insulting Teds wife or that mongoose for eating Teds offspring you see, because Ted is a reptile! However the laughs petered out when Triumph cracked that it was unfair to call Cruz the Zodiac Killer since his plan to repeal Obamacare would kill way more people than the Zodiac Killer!
When Triumph fairly managed to speak with Cruz, he pulled every punch possible, joking, Is it true you will defend the Constitution at all costs, except for when Donald Trump calls it ugly on Twitter? While Cruz tried quip back that it was the Democrats who took you into the vet to get fixed, Triumph swiftly responded, I support spaying and neutering just like Trump did to you!