Welcome back to Rolling Stones Everything Index, where we rank the weeks pop-culture movers and shakers, whether they want us to or not.
Using a top-secret formula (which well explain one of these days) and a high-powered computing system, weve created a comprehensive countdown of the music, movies and memes that will dominate discussions until next Tuesday when well presumably have moved on to something else. Pop culture is a fickle mistress indeed.
The Everything Index: Rolling Stone Ranks Pop Cultures Most Memorable Moments
This weeks Top 20 features the return of several prominent players (no matter how hard we try, we just cant seem to kill Peeps), and a host of new hopefuls all competing for the crown. Its kind of like Game of Thrones, minus all the baby freezing. Heres everything were obsessed with this week.
1. MNEKs Every Little Word: 19-year-old Brit officially kicks off the Summer Jam Sweepstakes with this rubbery, ridiculous slab of retro R&B. Gives us BBD flashbacks in all the best ways, and not just because hes rocking Ronnies hi-top fade.
2. Feds Powdered Alcohol Backtracking: Treasury Department says alcoholic dust was approved for sale in error. If only there were another powdery substance we could turn to in our time of need.
3. Avril Lavignes Hello Kitty Video: Definitely not racist. Some of Avrils best friends are Asian she just uses them as props.
4. A LostReboot: Does that mean the finale will be twice as shitty?
5. Last Week Tonight with John Oliver: New HBO series puts Daily Show standout Oliver front and center. After the weekly carnage on Game of Thrones, its nice to see someone with a British accent excel in a field other than beheading.
6. Eminems Fight Club: Aims to give battle rapping the MMA-makeover it so desperately needs. We cant wait to see Kool Moe Dee put Busy Bee in a Gogoplata.
7. Mama Joyce on the Real Housewives of Atlanta Reunion: 2 Blessed 2 Be Stressed, 2 Bedazzled 2 Embezzle.
8. KimYe Eloping: TMZ reports worlds most-famous couple will tie the knot in secret ahead of next months multi-million dollar wedding. Witnesses will be the entire Keeping Up with the Kardashians production crew.
9. Naked and Afraid: Discoverys survival show called soft porn by conservative group. Its the fear that really gets us off.
10. Racism:Between Cliven Bundy, Donald Sterling and the banana-tossing Spanish soccer fan, its been a banner week for ignorant assholes everywhere. Were sure theyll all agree this is Obamas fault.
11. Attic Abasement: Rheumatic Rochester quartets new EP picks up the stray slack left behind by Pavement and the Silver Jews. We dont even have to look at these guys to know theyve got bad posture.
12. Adam Resnicks Will Not Attend: Former Letterman writers memoir is an anti-social work of art. Hes spent his whole life trying to avoid interacting with people, which should make the book tour really interesting.
13. The iPhone Gigantic Commercial: New Apple spot features crowd-sourced cover of classic Pixies song. Too bad actualPixies didnt do the same thing for Indie Cindy.
14. Dennys New Social Media Manager: Americas repository for bored teens gets all YOLO SWAG with hip new tweets. Maybe Poochiedidnt die on the way back to his home planet
15. The Peeps Movie: Truly awful Easter candy is getting the big-screen treatment. Story centers around a wayward Peep who is misplaced and has to find his way back home. Kill it before it breeds!
16. TripTank: Stoneriffic Comedy Central animated series packs the bowl with cameos from Bob Odenkirk and Zach Galifianakis, aims high like Liquid Television or Spike & Mike. Doesnt always succeed, but is definitely the reason were late to work today.
17. The Indiana Pacers: Somehow more dysfunctional than the Los Angeles Clippers.
18. Outrage Over Accidental Spoilers: Game of Thrones community up in arms after HBO possibly reveals future events of George R.R. Martins series. Heres another spoiler: If you are concerned about stuff like this, its probably time to re-evaluate your life.
19. Willie Nelson: The Red Headed Stranger celebrates 81st birthday by earning fifth-degree black belt in Korean martial-arts discipline. No word on whether he also burned the sacred herb.
20. Florida Dads: Still terrible.