Oh, what a three hours and five minutes it was in Detroits oft-referenced Joe Louis Arena on Monday night. Faces long in absentia descended, queasy alliances seemed to gel and poor Fandango and Adam Rose were emphatically re-cemented as transitional squash talent.
Its a lot to take in, I know. But neither quiver nor fret, because as always, Ive broken the action down into five essential takeaways. And, as a bonus, thrown in a bunch of stuff that may have taught us nothing, but gave everyone something to tweet about.
Heres what I learned from the December 15 edition of Monday Night Raw.
5. Dress-Code Breaker
Many of us were expecting Brock Lesnars music to hit as Raw came on the air, but instead the TitanTron counted down to the emergence of Chris Jericho, there to bait Fandango into handing over his Extreme Moment of the Year Slammy statue. Fortunately, it wasnt long before Paul Heyman interjected and saved the segment, but one still cant be rescued from another deep dive into Y2Js wardrobe. This time, the Ayatollah whipped a skull-patterned black scarf around his neck, complementing a brown leather coat for an overall look that was less Fozzy than Mozzie (youre welcome, impending White Collar finale). Jericho seems to be very much in on the joke of his perma-out-of-date Chippendales vests, Lite-Brite jackets and European accessorizing, but its hard not to imagine his locker-room ritual resembling something akin to this.
WWE 'TLCand Stairs': Ladder of Fact, Ziggler and Ambrose Steal the Show10 Things You Didn't Know About the Beatles' Music25 Songs That Are Truly Terrifying
4. Rusev Does Crush
Generally, the more Michael Cole and Co. harp on a characters calling card (e.g. Ambrose residing on the lunatic fringe), the more it tends to water down that aspect of their personality or gimmick. But I gotta say, the constant reinforcement of how Rusev has yet to be pinned or submitted has impressed upon me just how substantially theyre positioning the Russian hero (ne Bulgarian brute).
Its also been essential, since his feuds have circled the wagons of Cold War concerns, and Lanas running out of ways to tell American audiences that they stink. Though I remain unmoved after months of witnessing him Accolade Jack Swagger, Heath Slater and Mark Henry into unconsciousness, I am quite eager to see how (and who) they choose to threaten his preeminence. Ryback, who stared him down last night, is probably not that guy, but at least their pairing suggests that Rusev might make enemies who simply want to take down the undefeated monster rather than rally for the red, white and blue.
3. The Usos Are Kind of Cheaters
The Fatu brothers have been known to pull a little twin magic to get over on the Miz and Mizdow, and last night, Jey helped Jimmy pick up the W over antagonist Miz by halting the self-professed A-lister with a Slammy trophy to the gut. Granted, when the Usos opt for subterfuge, its typically to even the odds against their duly conniving opponents. Yet its still curious behavior for a team that has definitely won fans over with their in-ring ability and long journey to the upper card, but hasnt necessarily overwhelmed with babyface charisma. A return to their heel roots could be in order, even if last nights antics werent explicitly called for with that turn in mind. It could, if anything, provide more subtle foils for the fledgling New Day faction.
2. A New Day Yawns
I dont mean to be cruel and persistent, and I think I can understand what kind of connection WWE was hoping New Day would make with the audience. Moreover, I was optimistic for their debut and would only root for all three individuals to succeed (well, Im still not sure how much I love that Xavier Woods guy). But theres no real cause to mince words: This is not working. Pieces of it have potential, namely Woods athleticism, Kofi Kingstons likeability although Ill join JBL in the curb your enthusiasm camp and Big Es versatility as playful big man or silent muscle. But like Adam Rose ceding his screen time to a bunny, New Days in trouble when Big Es leaky sweat glands steal the spotlight from whatever message all those unanswered call-and-response chants are supposed to convey.
1. Eyes on the Surprise
Theres nothing more exciting in pro wrestling (er, sports entertainment) than a good storyline swerve. And just when it seemed this installment of Raw was all too easy to telegraph (Jericho was the only one in the building who didnt realize Brock Lesnar would come down and beat his ass), the broadcast concluded with Heyman shaking Seth Rollins hand after Lesnar laid waste to Royal Rumble opponent John Cena.
For all Rollins claims of engineering the Shield, ever since going out on his own hes been notable for needing the protection and mentorship of others. Heyman, while rightly boastful of his role as Lesnars advocate, could benefit from another convincing main-event protg in his stable after failed courtships with Curtis Axel, Ryback and Cesaro. As Cole and crew breathlessly observed, its unclear whether their partnership was premeditated, but it didnt seem so, though its awfully difficult to fathom Lesnar letting that curb stomp at Night of Champions slide.
Wherever this new intrigue leads, it helps restore the products recent success ratio at keeping us on our toes (for those counting, Stings Survivor Series entrance would count as a success, Internet speculation aside, while Roman Reigns TLC interruption was hard not to see coming). Most importantly, it sets the tone for WWEs headiest few months, i.e. the road to WrestleMania, where all storyline sins and gimmick gaffes can be atoned for and forgotten with a well-placed F5 or game-changing betrayal. So long as we almost never see whats coming next.
Below the Belt
- Cool camera work outside the steel cage tonight.
- Unreal that Dolph Ziggler and Luke Harper were at it again.
- Fandangos pronunciation of Slammy as salami should be enough to guarantee him more time next week.
- I have my doubts about the Ascension.
- Now would be a great time to create a Brothers of Destruction-esque backstory for Rowan and Harper.
- At this point in his career, Kane is much more fun to root for than against.
- Good idea to keep Reigns speechifying brief, and not a bad confrontation between he and Big Show.
- Move of the Night: That was a pretty sweet top-rope AA from Cena.
- Line of the Night: Kofi, encouraging JBL to lighten up: You play golf, right?
- In Case You Fast-Forwarded Through Commercials: Ah, so Famke Janssen dies in Taken 3, rainbows are now for petting and you too can look like Steph McMahon!