On Tuesday morning, the Safdie Brothers, A24, and Adam Sandler dropped the long-awaited trailer for their upcoming film, Uncut Gems. Its entirely soundtracked by an ominous version of Travis Scott and The Weeknds 2015 song, Pray For Love. Kevin Garnett plays Kevin Garnett. Lakeith Stanfield marvels at an iced-out Furby chain. To call the whole enterprise anything less than a vision seems like a slap in the face.
103 seconds into the trailer, Sandlers Howard Ratner shoves Abel The Weeknd Tesfaye, whos sporting a distinctly House of Balloons-era haircut that hes since shorn. It looks intense; a clear matchup for the ages that we never knew we wanted. He did that with Adam, the two of them, no doubles, both of them rolling around on the ground, co-director Benny Safdie told Variety. Everybody wanted to get into it, really get down and dirty with us. It was heavily choreographed, but still, none of that stuff is easy.
Adam Sandler Makes One Hell of a Bet in 'Uncut Gems' Trailer10 Best 'Saturday Night Live' Sketches of Season 44Fleetwood Mac's 50 Greatest SongsThe Strange Birth and Near Death of Weezer
We dont get to see that much of a fight in the clip, but the three-seconds of magic points begs a single question: Who would win a fight? Abel The Weeknd Tesfaye or Adam Richard Sandler?
First, we must establish the basics. No weapons are allowed. Any form of combat is acceptable. The fight is a bare-knuckle brawl, a revelry of fisticuffs, between the 53-year old Sandler and the 29-year-old Tesfaye.
As far as their physical bodies are concerned, Sandler and Tesfaye are likely mismatched. One possesses a dad body thats lately been honed by carrying broad Netflix comedies, while the latter is a human-shaped pop song primarily trained to approximate the easiest of Michael Jacksons dance moves. In terms of agility, reflexes, footwork, and the stamina that comes with being a young, wildly successful touring musician, The Weeknd edges out the middle-aged Sandler.
One cannot, though, underestimate Sandlers physical frame. The man is a unit. Sandler has also shown a propensity to have a very durable face (Bob Barker punches it a lot in 1996s Happy Gilmore), a formidable right hook and no moral qualms about hitting a Buddhist monk (2003s Anger Management), and at least some semblance of training in martial arts (2008s You Dont Mess with the Zohan). Movie fighting is not real fighting, but it does show an ability to handle slight forms of choreography, which counts for something.
More difficult to ascertain is which mans will and spirit could dominate the others? Tesfaye or at least the character he portrays as The Weeknd is an emotionally stunted sociopath with a penchant for melodrama and benders. There is a universe where an impassioned, or intoxicated, version of the R&B star could summon the requisite rage to topple his co-star in real life. Sandler seems like a laid back, occasionally calculating individual, but his comedy consistently mines a deep-seated anger thats clearly easy to call to the surface.
Taking all of these factors into consideration, Adam Sandler has a slight advantage over Abel. A solid core, calm demeanor, sturdy skin sack, and wisdom that only comes with age will make him a worthy adversary. Well find out who wins when Uncut Gems is released on December 13th.